It’s the same story.
Every. Single. Time.
Hubbie’s parent’s live 3 hours away and we try to visit at least once a month. As a new mother *cough, cough, 17 months in, ahem* I’m still figuring out a way to get us out of the house at a decent time.
We did get better this time around.
But these are the Top 5 things we have argued about (or continue to argue about) every time we make a trip:
1. “You knew we were going on this trip all week, why didn’t you plan better. We should be out the door by now and you’re still packing.”
HOLD THE PHONE. Hubby likes to go to the gym in the mornings. I 100% support this because not only does it keep him sexy, but it also keeps him sane. He works a stressful job to support us all, and he deserves that release. However, while he’s out slaving away at work, sometimes he fails to remember or even know what happens behind the scenes at the ole’ homefront. The week of Mother’s Day weekend I was sleep training our son out of our bedroom. Which means, I was running on 7 hours of sleep, collectively throughout the week. As in, an hour or so of sleep a day. I looked like this:
I had made a list of To-Do’s and had every intention of checking them off as I went, but instead I was trying to mop myself off the floor as I became more and more like a puddle of an exhausted momma. We also cloth diaper so the laundry had gotten away from me. Hubby showers at least twice a day, which is two sets of briefs, two sets of beaters, two sets of t-shirts, two sets of socks, and two sets of pants. Every day. This doesn’t include my son and my wardrobe so you can see how if I skip just one day, I’m in the weeds. Aside from all of that, I have a toddler who can only be patient for so long, and was also grumpy and needy from sleep training, so finishing a task alone was not really feasible.
When he had the nerve to ask why we weren’t ready? I looked like this:
Hubby likes to think that he is the best driver in the world and everyone else is just an incompetent a-wad. I know sometimes this is true, but a lot of time it’s not. Sometimes he really is just driving too closely so when they pump the brakes, he has to slam on his as a natural consequence.
This is what the majority of the ride sounds like:
Hubby- “WOULD you GO ALREADY. Oh MY G-“
Hubby- “GOSH. I’m sorry but these PEOPLE ARE *&^%& (Insert choice word here) and I can’t stand it. Look, they are slowing down at literally NOTHING.”
Me- “Maybe if you drive two car lengths behind like you’re supposed to, you’d see it coming and not even have to tap on your breaks. You just let go of the accelerator.”
Hubby- “I’m not driving too closely, they’re just idiots. You know this gets me crazy.”
Me- “I know it does. You never fail to explain it every time. What gets me crazy is that you get crazy over it and I’m stuck in this car listening to you. Get me out of here.”
This is how he thinks he drives:
This is how he actually drives:
3. Pee Stops.
I’m still a nursing momma, which means that even if our sweet boy naps the entire way, I need to drink enough fluids or I always get plugged milk ducts. A 3 hour drive is horrible for this because it’s like an oxy moron. Drink water to avoid mastitis, or deal with it so I don’t have to pee. Fortunately Hubby and I have learned that if he just doesn’t stop the car while I’m running into a rest stop, our son will continue sleeping. #Win
4. The Radio.
Hubby is an avid Howard Stern listener. I’m all about the show to a certain extent. I’m cool and relaxed and all that jazz, but I can only tolerate listening to what people stimulate their buttholes with and what the grossest experience people have endured in the bedroom for so long. About an hour down the road I am either wanting to hurl, throw myself out the window, or both. Our deal is every time we have to stop for me to pee, we listen to Howard Stern.
5. Farting in the car.
It’s usually me sneak attacking him for torturing me with his banter and radio shows, something I take pride in –he never sees it coming! But karma always comes back around at the exact same time I decide to breathe through my mouth.
By the end of the trip we are always laughing and holding hands, but it never fails that if everything else changes, I’m sure these 5 things will remain.